It was bound to happen.....

Finally, a decision that didn't come with insecurity! I am firm and settled in my decision to move to Korea! Two dear friends once got me a card that stated how a girl made it in life after crying on the phone, second guessing her decision and almost taking back her words. I thought I had overcome that mountain, molehill, stump, whatever the uphill battle resembles: for once maturity had finally kicked in. I could handle SOMETHING without worrying, obsessing, crying, or denying it. I am an official grown-up! I speak too soon. Humility sure comes back with a vengeance. Tears streamed down my face last night as I admitted my fears about moving to Korea to my roommate while washing dishes. I hate fear; Its power grips me.

I am scared about moving to Korea. There, I said it. I scared myself this week because I didn't WANT to go. I bonded with my students and I wanted to stay and make a difference in Minnesota. Running away to another country wasn't going to allow me to do that. I almost walked into my principal's office to take back my decision, but I stopped myself halfway. I don't want to let fear of the unknown dictate me. I WANT to go overseas, have adventures, struggle with a new language, and learn more about myself in a different environment. I like being challenged stretched in different ways; I just dislike the work and effort it takes!
I turned around. I decided to be a grown-up and not let fear take hold of me. I know what I want and will continue to search for it, even if I do cry and struggle a bit with it. Perhaps THAT is the mature thing to do.

I am still going to Korea. I am still scared and will miss my students, my family, my friends, and the life I have started in Minnesota. But I long for adventure and fear not taking this opportunity even more. That thought makes me want to bang my head against the wall! Perhaps that is the life lesson is to just keep moving and know that God has a plan and all the chips will beautiflly and gracefully fall where he decides. I hope someday it might be in New Zealand. :)